can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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