They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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