Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
