i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
