My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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