I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
