yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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