You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
