You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
