I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Can I color on your dick again?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
