Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
