I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
