just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Let's get the cat blown out
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