he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
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