I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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