Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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