his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
