Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
