physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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