CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
So here I am, sexting at work.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
