my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
We are all done wearing pants today
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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