maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Randomize
