my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
3 2 1 whiskey
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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