You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I should be sponsored by Trojan
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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