why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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