He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
