he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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