haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
