yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
