You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
