why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
