Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
