You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
