clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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