the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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