My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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