I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
