I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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