I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I have tasted many bathrooms
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
