It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
