I just pynch a tree in the face
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
