my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
