I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
