You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
