Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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