Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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