If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
