I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
sex in a hospital.. check
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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