Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
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