I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
