so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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