It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
