alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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