Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
