I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
