My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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