I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
so let's talk penis.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Randomize
