Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
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