Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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