you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
