so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
