We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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