ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
