You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
