you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
